Truth in Advertising.

So a friend posted this recently Craigslist ad, "50 Reasons to Date Me", and it gave me pause... 1) Never post anything on Craigslist you don't want to give away at a convenience store parking lot, and 2) I may date again one of these days.  I did have dinner recently with someone who randomly asked me to, and I didn't enjoy it for the reasons you might think.  I went, so that I could wear cute clothes and talk to a person wholly unrelated to my present life, and eat some food.  I was bored.  I drank one too many glasses of wine and hid more than one yawn.  Blech.  Dating.  I forgot I hate it.

I have had a few good dates in my life that were planned and prepped for.  The best ones weren't.  They were connections with people that went somewhere surprising, and to be honest... I haven't really "dated" in the traditional sense of the word since I was about 26.  I've been married, I've gone "out" and to things and to dinner, I've had friends with whom I met for events, talks, patio drunkenness, fun. I hate the dating rituals of meet, talk, random kissing, do-it-or-don't-do-it, wrestling around with common topics and ideas, and ditching a person when it's a bad fit. I. Hate. It.  I am a seriously a one-person person, who loves intimacy with my nearest and dearest friends.  Dating just seems so small-talk fake.  I get restless and bored on the quest towards something somewhere.  Story of my life, in all arenas.

Part of my relationships' troubles historically have been a lack of getting what I want and need.  I know me.  I know what I am, what makes me tick, what I like.  But I settle in to giving to others so damn much that I forget to watch out for what I need more than what someone I'm with needs.  Even at that random dinner this week, I sat there wondering, "Why am I listening to this?  If I said yes to the second date (and yes, it was out there lingering and waiting for a response...), what would it really do for me?" This man was nice, kind, semi interesting.  I like people stories, and this was a person with his own stories I'd never heard.  But I didn't need to hear them, and they were not valuable to me.  I'm sure he'll find someone down the road that wants them.  I don't.  I need to find someone that has more to give to me than I can give to them for awhile.  I'm just all done out with the giving away.  Someone needs to fill up my life for a while, and not the other way around.

Cheers,
Harriet.